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Feb 232011

It is often said that you marry a family and not one person. This is to say that your husband’s family comes along as part of the marriage. The new bride thinks that her mother in law does not approve of her and that she will have a difficult time to win her over. The mother in law may harbour similar thoughts. Due to this apprehension there is often miscommunication between the two and as a result there is friction. The husband gets sucked in and he does not know how to please either of them.

Before marriage your husband may have turned to her for advice or may have used her as a sounding board for his ideas. The new bride may resent this closeness and may want to occupy the prime position in his life. This is not going to happen overnight as everybody will need time to adjust their priorities.

Remember that she has given birth to your husband and guided him through his formative years. She has helped to mould him into the person he is today, the person you love and are married to. Perhaps you can be obliged to her for that. You will harm your relationship and yourself if you keep counting the negative attributes. No person is perfect and each person has their faults and idiosyncrasies. One must learn to overlook the short comings and focus on all the positives.

Each time a negative thought crosses your mind, try to counter balance it by thinking about one of the better qualities of your mother in law. She may have cooked a wonderful meal keeping in mind something you relish. May be she voluntarily baby sits so that you can rest, go out shopping or go for a movie with your husband. Perhaps these will help somewhat in overlooking when something she does or says upsets or angers you.

To make a special place in her heart compliment her often. She may be a good house keeper, a keen needle woman or a proud gardener. Surely you can find something to appreciate and give her a hug. Talk to her about what interests her and she will open up to you. She will also be looking for a cordial relationship with you.

Send her a card or a gift on her birthday, anniversary and Mothers’ day. If unable to visit, talk to her on the phone. Ask her advice on some matters. Try to forgive and forget past unpleasantness and move forward. Your efforts will pay as your bonding with your husband will also improve.